Nuances of Abuse:

What defines abuse?

Toxic relationships historically were referred to as “Domestic Violence” or “Intimate Partner Violence”.  However, the VALed Organization cautions against the use of the term “violence” as it can be very misleading to the victim.  Relationship Abuse can refer to physical abuse, but it also refers to any emotional, verbal, financial, or sexual mistreatment.  Abuse is a pattern of behaviors to maintain power and control in an intimate relationship.  

Covert control “creates confusion, contradiction and fear.” (https://www.wadvocates.org). Coercive control is domination, intimidation, & deliberately impeding the rights of one’s partner (domesticshelters.org). 

Without education, it can be dangerous when victims believe violence must be involved to be considered abuse. It can make the victim’s ability to identify their relationship as toxic and abusive more convoluted. Controlling behavior almost always precedes violence. Therefore, it is critical that young adults learn the signs of covert nuances of abuse early on, such as the control and manipulation tactics abusers use. Some of these include gaslighting, crazy-making, blame-shifting, minimizing, triangulation, etc.